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WTF

The Phenomenon Known as “Keith and the Girl”

Tuesday, April 16th, 2013

Ted Alexandro says I know everyone in comedy and that everyone knows me.

Richie Tienken owner and founder of The Comic Strip says I’m like the James Lipton of comedy. So imagine how embarrassed I felt not to be familiar with a comedy podcast phenomenon known as Keith and the Girl, currently celebrating 8 years of longevity!

Keith Malley and Chemda, better known as "Keith and The Girl!"

Keith and The Girl, began on March 7, 2005, and is made up of comedian Keith Malley and “The Girl”, who is Chemda Khalili. Chemda told me she doesn’t mind being referred to as “The Girl” since “Chemda” is a hard name for some people to say! (Not for me cause I’m one of “the tribe!” LOL)

Luckily their publicist Meredith Trotter thought to invite me to this weeklong 8th anniversary celebration of their podcast which gets over 1 million dowmloads a month and has an international following. (I’m not exaggerating about that!)

I hardly ever leave Manhattan with all the shows there are here to write about, but for KATG I drove out to White Wave, a very cool space on Jay Street in Brooklyn just to experience what KATG was all about. And I’m really glad I did!

I didn’t get to see the actual podcast but I attended two of the shows that made up their weeklong celebration, and then went to an after-party that they had for their fans in a special KATG space in a huge building across the street.

The last show was very special because it was Keith’s birthday and every year he records a new DVD of his comedy material. This year he did a compilation set of what he considered to be his best material culled from the last ten years of performing, but he attempted to do it all “clean” which he managed to do, … 99%! (LOL)

Keith in an animated pose during his stand-up set onstage at White Wave in Brooklyn!

Plus it was Chemda’s actual stand-up debut and I didn’t want to miss that.

Chemda making her stand-up comedy debut at the final show of the 8th anniversary celebration of "Keith and The Girl"!

A very funny guy named Tim Dimond (pronounced “Diamond”) was the MC and everyone seemed to know him so I guess he’s a regular part of the show. He has a deep, resonant voice which he claimed did not go with his “anorexic-looking” body! Only in comedy do we have the benefit of using self-deprecating humor. We say things about ourselves before other people do!

Tim Dimond, the very funny MC for last night's KATG show!

Dan Soder was up next, and he’s always sharp and creative. I related to his line, “You can tell by my lack of facial hair that I’m from Queens!” Because everyone from Brooklyn looks like a farmer from the 1800′s with a full brush beard. They all look like “The Unibomber”. Like a guy who lives alone in a cabin in the woods and just cones out once in a while to tell a few jokes and then goes right back in to his cabin!

A clean shaven Dan Soder killing it for the KATG crowd!

They would all be perfect for my “Beard Painting” story in Weekly World News, ” Man Paints Replica of the Cistine Chapel With His Beard!” You need a Mike Lawrence type of beard for that. A Myq Kaplan kind of beard just won’t cut it! (Myq and John F. O’Donnell were two of the very funny comics I caught on the KATG show the night before, and I got there late, but I did happen to see Mike Lawrence in the background somewhere.)

Myq Kaplan at KATG, with a beard fit for many things but not "beard painting!"

John F. O'Donnell onstage at KATG with his own version of hipster facial hair, but not enough to actually paint with!

Dan also talked about how the current generation of kids would be when they take over the army. Everyone is allergic to Gluten! In 20 years he predicts our army will be in bad shape. “I WOULD storm the beach, but I have an allergy to shellfish!” (LOL)

So I drove out to Brooklyn two nights in a row and it was really worth it to me. I found it very exciting to see what was going on that I didn’t know about and how people actually traveled in from all over the world to celebrate with Keith and Chemda.

I spoke to one girl from Toronto named Mia who credited Chemda for giving her the courage to come out about her sexuality, and another girl and guy who traveled in from Colorado who are also rabid fans of the show. But that’s nothing. People actually traveled in all the way from Australia, and several other countries to attend and hang out with Keith and Chemda because they are totally accessible to their fans and audience.

That was one of the things that people said that I spoke to. They were not elitist and were very real, and made themselves accessible to their fans.

Chemda told me they have their own studio and record five days a week. Their next episode is this coming Wednessday, 4/17/13 at 2 P.M. You can find them on i-Tunes.

In the show, usually lasting an hour or more, Keith and Chemda discuss their lives and current events in a humorous and very honest, upfront, unedited fashion. The show’s tagline is “Keith and his ex-girlfriend talk shit”. They were once in a relationship which I think says a lot about them, that they could continue to work together after no longer being involved.

Keith now has a “fiance”, who Chemda told me had been a fan of the show, and Chemda introduced me to her significant other, a girl named Lauren who identifies herself proudly as a “transgender” individual. She was even kind enough to explain the difference to me between transgender and transsexual!

Chemda and her significan other Lauren! (I don't know whether she identifies as bf or gf, and I forgot to ask!! LOL)

Keith and The Girl has consistently ranked in the top ten podcasts at Podcast Alley, and has also received multiple podcast-specific awards. The hosts have been interviewed by other popular podcasts such as WTF with Marc Maron, Never Not Funny, and many others, and I am excited to say that I have been asked to come on as a guest.

Keith Malley, Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV, and Chemda at the KATG anniversary show!

I’ll let you all know when that’s scheduled to happen! In the meantime tune in to Keith and The Girl just like I’m gonna do! I’m already a fan!

F@*k you Windex!

Monday, June 11th, 2012
Avengers and X-men and Spiderman

What if I want dirty windows, bitch?!?

Windex you overambitious mothaf@*ka!

I leave the F@* cave and all my glass covered sh!t is dirty, I come back after you do your thing and I’m all bumping into all my patio doorways.

What if I didn’t want a clear view of myself in the mirror?

Hmm?

Every think of that?

That dirt was there to mask the abomination that I’ve become.

Now I can see myself extremely clearly and I’ve got to say that I am NOT HAPPY!!!

Plus you should have a warning on your label that you are NOT meant for glass eyes!

F@*K you Windex!

 

F@*k you Traffic Circle!

Friday, June 8th, 2012
The avengers made over a billion dollars, what will Spiderman do?

Sit on a traffic circle and rotate!

What the f@*k!?!?

“Take the 11th exit off this here traffic circle and then you’re all set.”

I drove around for 7 hours trying to find my way out of what has to be the stupidest f@*king traffic invention since the armless crossing guard!

I got so lost that I literally had to move to the town I entered the traffic circle in.

Now I live in a shanty town off RT 6 with all the other people who got sucked into the Bermuda Triangle like vortex that is the Turnpike Traffic 7th Circle of hell!

It’s sort of like the land that time forgot…there are f@*king dinosaurs here living side by side with aliens from the future and hapless humans who have not been seen or heard from since the 1700′s.

Oh and the guy who invented the traffic circle is here as well.  Even the f@*ker who created the thing couldn’t find his way out!

Now each night at sunset we tie rope around him and set him off into the woods to find his way out.  If he tugs on the rope it means he’s found his way to civilization, but he never tugs the rope, he just ends up coming up behind us or from underground or sometimes he falls from the sky.

Each night when he fails, we murder him and burn his body, but every morning he comes back into our lost shanty town like nothing ever happened.

You see here in the Traffic 7th Circle of Hell Shanty town, you can never die…even though you want to!

The F@*k?!?

 

 

F@*k you Traffic Circle!

Friday, June 8th, 2012
The avengers made over a billion dollars, what will Spiderman do?

Sit on a traffic circle and rotate!

What the f@*k!?!?

“Take the 11th exit off this here traffic circle and then you’re all set.”

I drove around for 7 hours trying to find my way out of what has to be the stupidest f@*king traffic invention since the armless crossing guard!

I got so lost that I literally had to move to the town I entered the traffic circle in.

Now I live in a shanty town off RT 6 with all the other people who got sucked into the Bermuda Triangle like vortex that is the Turnpike Traffic 7th Circle of hell!

It’s sort of like the land that time forgot…there are f@*king dinosaurs here living side by side with aliens from the future and hapless humans who have not been seen or heard from since the 1700′s.

Oh and the guy who invented the traffic circle is here as well.  Even the f@*ker who created the thing couldn’t find his way out!

Now each night at sunset we tie rope around him and set him off into the woods to find his way out.  If he tugs on the rope it means he’s found his way to civilization, but he never tugs the rope, he just ends up coming up behind us or from underground or sometimes he falls from the sky.

Each night when he fails, we murder him and burn his body, but every morning he comes back into our lost shanty town like nothing ever happened.

You see here in the Traffic 7th Circle of Hell Shanty town, you can never die…even though you want to!

The F@*k?!?

 

 

YMWTF – Fuck You Hoes!

Tuesday, May 1st, 2012
The Angriest Super Villain in the world!

The Fuck is the Angriest Comic Book Super Villain Ever!

Fuck you Hoes!

Strutting yo shit up in this garden, like a motherfucker.

Shit, Hoes, you best get back to work and rake in that green, else there going to be some shit between you and me, yo.

Bitch, you toil when I tell you to toil and you better have the till ready too.

Hoeing aint easy, but dealing with my wraith is twice as hard as that.

Fuck you Hoes!

The Fuck is The Angriest Super Villain

The Fuck is the angriest comic book super villain ever and has never fought Captain America or The Avengers!

 

YMWTF – Fuck You Nose!

Monday, April 30th, 2012

Fuck you Nose!

You smell like shit!

YMWTF – Fuck You Duck!

Thursday, April 26th, 2012

Fuck you duck!

You suck, you fuck.

You’re not even a chicken that says “cluck, cluck, cluck!”

So I hate that I’m stuck with you duck in this truck, but fuck me silly if this isn’t my luck.

Also, duck I hate rhyming.

 

 

YMWTF – Fuck You Balls!

Wednesday, April 25th, 2012

Fuck you balls, get off of my chin!

It doesn’t matter that I passed out drunk, balls, you should not be on my chin.

No, covering my eyes like two coins to see the gay ferryman from the River Dicks is also not acceptable.

If I told you my chin and my eyes were not OK places for you to be, balls, do you really think I’m OK with you covering my ears?  What?

The only acceptable place for balls to be are zipped up behind a pair of pants or 1 pant if you’re poor.

Balls, listen carefully…

FUCK YOU!

 

YMWTF – Fuck You Cottage Cheese!

Tuesday, April 24th, 2012

Fuck you cottage cheese!

There is not one person who actually likes eating you, just the act of eating you makes everyone feel bad.

“Oh I’m eating cottage cheese on a slice of pineapple because my Doctor says I’m too fat and am going to die tomorrow unless I punish myself by eating cottage cheese.”

What fucking cottage are you from anyway?

Oh, I know…the cottage of dumb motherfuckers who thinks that people want to eat their gross, sloppy cheese.

I aint eating no provincial motherfucking cheese, no fucking way!  I’m only eating cheese that a whole country came together to make, like American cheese and Swizz cheese, you curdled cock sucker.

Fuck your cheese and double dog fuck your cottage!

Fuck you cottage cheese!

 

YMWTF – Fuck You Dog

Monday, April 23rd, 2012

Fuck you dog, it’s raining go walk yourself.

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