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Stache

Comic Book Stache – 3/26/12

Monday, March 26th, 2012

You think comic books are fiction, I know better!

So, here, now, I, Nefarious Mustache (!) present today’s “Comic Book Stache”

Item: Let’s all salute Steve Rogers A.K.A. Captain America who has re-signed with Marvel Comics for another 10 year deal.

Rogers, who looks amazing for a 95 year old, was considering starting his own imprint after Marvel “killed him off” (They sent him on the standard “you’re dead” resort vacation) a couple of years back, but recanted after Marvel gave in to all of his contract demands, including a spacious Brooklyn townhouse, a date with each year’s Miss America and his very own Nathan’s Hot Dog Stand.

Way to go Captain, I look forward to another 10 years of getting punched in the face by you!

Item: Wonder Woman to star in new “Puppetry of The Boobs” off-off Broadway show.

Or this was some Breast Cancer screening thing.  Knowing her it was probably the latter…she’s so boring.

 

Item: Northstar to marry his partner Kyle.

Hopefully, lots of straight people will get up in arms about this and continue to spread evil thoughts throughout the universe.

Maybe, Northstar will get so pissed that he’ll unleash his care bear stare on a million moms and turn them into a million piles of ashes.

 

That was…

The Top 5 Worst Face Punches I Ever Got

Thursday, March 22nd, 2012

I, Nefarious Mustache (!) am one of the most feared Super Villains in the galaxy!

But when you fight Super Heros as much as I do, you’re bound to get punched in the facial area from time to time.

So here, now, to appease your insatiable appetite for all things Nefarious Mustache and all things punch in the facey, I present:

The Top 5 Worst Face Punches I Ever Got!

5. Fart Man – Even if he touches you a little you smell like someone dropped a bucket of farts on your face for weeks.  The psychical damage is minor, the damage to your dating life is ultra severe!

4. Superman – My face literally exploded.  It’s how I died.  I am a Nefarious Mustache plucked out of the time stream from some other time and place trying to stop Superman from making my genius level brains explode.

3. Slow Motion McGee – You know what’s worse than getting punched in the face?  Having to wait half hour until the punch connects.  I literally did 12 New York Times crossword puzzles before he connected.

2. Edward PenisHands – He’s got a penis where both of his hands should be…and they work!

1. Zsa Zsa Gabor – It was the emotional trauma of getting punched in the face by my favorite movie star that makes this one the first and worst on my list!

 

I am,

Nefarious Mustache! (!)

Evil News Daily Presents: The Top 10 Best Days From The Last Week

Saturday, March 17th, 2012

Here are the top 10 days from the last week!

10. Monday – Blah!  Who likes Mondays?  Hitler, that’s who…and no one else.

9. Thursday – Cold Drizzle, my nizzle.  Either rain or shut the fuck up.

8. Sunday – Walked into a church and it exploded.  Maybe this should’ve been higher on the list.

7. Tuesday – It’s not hump day, it’s not the weekend, it’s just shitty Tuesday.  Fuck you Tuesday.

6. Saturday – It’s today, so far my dog shit in my evil lair and it’s only 9:15AM.  Might have to reconsider later, the day can only go up from here.

5. Wednesday – It was a good day for murder and so I murdered.  Ah! Lovely Murder Wednesday.

4. Friday – Finally got around to my taxes.  I stole 8 Gabizillion dollars last year.  Sent Uncle Sam (from the Freedom Fighters) my tax forms with a photo of me lighting the government’s share on fire…Joker style.  Also had a sweet Mocha Frappa Lotte from Starbangers coffee.  It’s the little things that make the day you know?

3. Eighthday – This is a day that only those with access to time travel can experience.  Since only a few of us can access this day, it’s a great time to go grocery shopping and stop by the post office.  The lines are miniscule!  Also I murdered.

2. and 1. – Ran out of days.

I am,

Nefarious Mustache(!)

Editor In Chief at Evilnewsdaily.com

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