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romance

“Hellraiser”

Tuesday, April 21st, 2015
Someone said, “Leighann, what’s your favorite romantic movie?” Believe it or not I’ve never been asked that before so I had to think about it for a second. My head tilted to the left, my eyes stared...

Ten Things No One Tells You About Life After Dating Violence

Sunday, April 27th, 2014
It is the end of the month and I am doing my last piece with Fraternities 4 Family because the campaign is ending. I felt the need to address this issue, of life afterwards because no one ever does. Most people assume once you are away from your other half, everything will be hunky dory. Prince Charming was the whole problem, and life will resume and all the eligible suitors with jobs, careers, and a future will want you. And you will want them. After you get married and live happily ever after with your 2.5 kiddies, you will drive them to softball and make lemonade. Oh and this will all be like a bad dream.

Not so much. When I was there, I was a mess. I found it was far from happily ever after, an if anything it was just the opposite. I was out of hell but just went to a higher layer. Life was real, I was damaged, and there was some healing to be done. Here are ten things no one tells you about what happens afterwards.....For real:

You Will Be Paranoid- Every time you hear keys jangling or someone walks too close to you on the street, it will make you go nutso, especially if your ex had a habit of stalking you. Or worse yet, you might check the house to make sure no one broke in if your ex had a habit of that. Some women have even called the cops thinking someone broke into their house when there was no one there. It’s because you are used to being tortured. So yeah, you’re a little crazy right now. Don’t worry, as time passes this too shall pass. It won’t last.

You Will Feel Terminally Unique- The thing about experiencing relationship violence is you feel alone during the experience, and afterwards you feel alienated from the rest of the world. You have lost your ability to relate, and the relationship problems other people bellyache about are asinine to you. You might want to tell them, “At least he has a job and doesn’t hit you!” Truth: Whether the relationship is violent or not, everyone experiences unhealthy codependency at least once in their dating lives, not just you. The secret is to know everyone has dark times, and to get out there and keep living.

You Will Be Very Angry- Yes, you will have rage issues. This is normal, you have been through a ton of crap. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself getting road rage for no reason or snapping out at service workers because they are moving “too slow.” You have been bullied, and sometimes when someone is bullied excessively they want to take it out on everyone else. Just remember, these drivers and service people did nothing to you. They are doing what they are supposed to do. Snapping out at them will make them feel badly, and won’t make you feel better.

You Will Have a Reckless Phase- Okay, you have been through some hard stuff. It’s okay to want to cut loose. Beware, you will be cutting loose in a way you never dreamed of. As in getting drunk in any day that ends in a “y,” drug experimentation, inappropriate sex activity with strangers, overeating/under eating, or overspending. When you risk losing your job, house, car, etc it is time to put on the breaks. Seek therapy or a Twelve Step Meeting pronto. They will love you until you love yourself, and most women in there dated your ex or his clone.

You Won’t Want Nice Dudes, and They Won’t Want You- In the movies, a nice dude rescues the girl from the abusive lover. Truth: This ain’t gonna happen. When a nice dude hears abusive ex, he gets weary because he thinks you are crazy too. And he’s right, you chose to stay. Also, if your ex is stalking you, he might run because he doesn’t want to get killed. Can you blame him? If he chooses to stay, you won’t trust him because you are not used to trusting. Also, you were with a jerk, so you became a jerk in order to survive. This will get old for everyone involved. So maybe work on yourself so that the nice guys know you are sincerely open for business.

You Will Have Some Friends Consider You Persona Non Grata- Yes, some of your friends won’t stick by you. When things got bad, you cut them out. And then when you came around, you brought drama. That makes people tired. But good news is, they still love you. It killed them inside that you were going through this. Also, hurt is simply masquerading as anger. They miss you, but you messed up. So do what you have to do to repair those friendships aka be a friend again. If they see you are sincere, nine out of ten times they will be back.

You Will Have Friends and Family Try To Fix You Up- Everything thinks what you need right now is a good matchmaker and a nice guy. They couldn’t be more wrong. Every once in a while, this ends happily but most of the time this is a disaster. You might melt down mid-date, which sucks for everyone involved. Or you might dump on your date mistaking him as your therapist, which most dudes can’t deal with. This too shall pass, but you need some alone time so you can work on yourself. Seek real Therapy not a male captive or some sort of counseling so again, history does not repeat itself.

You Will Date Beneath You- One consequence of dating someone who’s abusive is your self-esteem is crushed. And you let them crush it. So therefore you will not view yourself as worthy of quality company. Instead, you will settle for someone who simply does not hit you or put you down. A race horse being a horse alone does not make it a winner. Translated, you might find yourself dating a string of unemployed idiots or ex-cons for a little bit. Again, this is why therapy is important kids.

You Will Find Some People Don’t Relate- Yes, there are men who will ask you what you did to make your ex so crazy. Some might even call you bitter, God forbid you be honest. Others might walk away because it’s “too much.” Some women might tell you that you’re a “drama queen.” Also, if they are older they might inform you that you picked him, it was your fault you couldn’t deal with him. Or they might let you know you are an idiot for picking him in the first place. Either they are forced to look at their own stuff or life hasn’t happened to them yet. Don’t worry, when it does it will be brutal.


You Will Lose Faith In Love-  This is a given, and be prepared for it to happen. You will distrust men for sometime and will believe love will never find you. You will become the cynic at Disney Movies. Yeah, it happens. But be aware that just as there are bad men, there are good men that will treat you well, too. They key is working on yourself and breaking those patterns so you find them. Also, it is not giving up hope and having faith that there will be a happily ever after. Sometimes you have to go through hell to get to heaven. 

So it's not going to be happily ever after right away. Don't get discouraged, it does get better. It isn't a presto chango thing but it does get better. You will find nice people who want to date you, and your dreams can come true. But it won't be instant. It won't be because of some man who's the right one. It will be because you worked on yourself. For more on dating violence and legal solutions go to http://www.charlesullman.com/our-firm/fraternities4family/

Love
April
I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
www.aprilbrucker.com

Suavecito (Malo)

Friday, April 25th, 2014
I kind of went out on a date a while ago. It was fun and crazy. I don't do it often. Between my schedule, awkward shyness, and distrust of men it hardly ever happens. Actually, I am becoming less distrustful. I have been through a lot. However, it doesn't define me. Still, my makes me see the worst in people off the bat.

This dude and I started as friends and things progressed. A little voice in my head saw this was a bad idea. Still, it had been a long, terrible winter. We went out. We had fun. He was a complete gentlemen. The only time I have seen this is when guys have either gotten out of jail or have an ulterior motive. Very rarely are they true gentlemen. He spent money on me he didn't have. This was reminiscent of an ex of mine who was a pathological liar and had a Mr. Ripley complex. It felt weird. Did he rob it from an old woman?

I hate it to begin with when a man pays for me. It makes me feel strange. It makes me feel like he wants to be paid too. It doesn't feel like a treat but rather a gun to my head. I know the game.

Well people around me warned me he had an ulterior motive because he wasn't a citizen. I didn't want to believe it. However, as time went on I did. For starters, he wanted to be my boyfriend right away which is a bad sign. Whenever someone wants to rush you into a relationship, it means they are not looking for their next lover but next victim. He also wanted me to hang out in his neighborhood, probably to show off as a trophy to his friends. I also went to his facebook page. I have never seen someone post pictures and tell so many American women that he loves them. WOW! Oh, and then at the same time he was going back and fourth having a salacious conversation with a girl from his home village.

I never took him seriously. The age gap was significant. Rather, I had been a friend to him when a lot of people weren't. I treated him like a person and a lot of people don't. What makes me angry is my friendship was sincere with no motive, and he thought he could use me for his own gain. Yeah, I get it. You want to be a citizen. I get it, the laws aren't fair. My assistant just got his papers. But to use someone that was kind to you? To think I was stupid enough that you could snow me? To have an ulterior motive, and that was the only reason you were ever friends with me? When I gave him the heave ho he posted this thing on his timeline that said, "Those who don't believe in magic never find it." Yeah, blame your devious notion on me. Have a little bitch fit, Sir.

For a minute I regretted treating him like a person. I always treat people like people no matter who they are or where I meet them. Most of the time it pays off. They treat me kindly back. I am friends with my deli people, my cart dude, my grocery store folks, my super, etc. I treat people with dignity in respect no matter what position they have and no matter how much or little money might be in their name. This is why this was like a stab in the back and a knife to the gut. So maybe I should stop treating people like people, right?

No. All people should be treated like people. And then there are some who will view your kindness as weakness. This happens no matter what a person's race, age, gender, class, or station in life. He was an idiot and user. I don't regret being kind because I can look at myself in the mirror. He uses women for his own gain, and will always have to look behind his back for as long as he lives. Thank God he didn't become my boyfriend. He would have been showing up unannounced at my house demanding I feed him. Or worse, he was probably going to try to weasel his way into my life. The cherry on top of the cake would have been if I got a hate note from one of his little tricks he was leading on. He believes in magic, remember?

I still feel the sting of being used. However, that will fade. Especially when he is stuck playing the same games over and over again. Or maybe the village tartlet will come to his rescue. She can cook, clean, ride a donkey, and she will believe every lie that comes out of his mouth. I will continue to treat everyone I meet with dignity and respect, but rest assured I am never making that mistake with him again.

So he's a user, a loser, a douche bag.....Or how about a Suavecito. That's one word he will understand.

Love
April
I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
www.aprilbrucker.com







10 Things Young People Should Know About Love

Thursday, April 24th, 2014
Poetic Justice is my favorite guilty pleasure as far as films are concerned. Tupac isn't acting by the way. Sure, sometimes the characters set their people back an amendment or two but there is happily ever after. Oh and you are rooting for Justice and Lucky to make it. The scene where they go to the BBQ, and Janet Jackson's friend is there with her boyfriend Chicago. Note, the four are on a mail run and they are going to a family reunion pretending to be related in order to get free food. Then a fist fight breaks out.

Maya Angelou, who's poems John Singleton used in the making of the film, had her guest star as one of the three wise old women under the tree. She begins by saying, "I want to talk about love." And goes on to say young people know nothing about it. And then spots that Janet's friend is fronting and says, "She is no more married than the man on the moon."

Of course Jessie who owns the salon remarks that these girls "Don't know their cooch from a hole in the wall." They're right. Young people think love is this happily ever after thing. Not so. It's painful. It's complicated, and it's damn confusing.

So here are ten things I would tell my young self and tell them:

1. Falling in love is like becoming mentally ill. You don't see the person's faults. So what he's a troll who lives under a bridge? He makes you feel special. And you drop everything to live under the bridge with him. So yeah, love makes you kind of stupid.

2. Everyone has a past. Deal with it. It's who they are now, not who they were then that matters. So what his ex was a Playboy model? He ain't with her now.

3. When you fall in love, you start planning the future with that person. This is kind of dangerous. Get to know them before you purchase matching cemetery plots.

4. Your lover will hurt you and disappoint you. They are human, relax. But they also might amaze you too.

5. Games are not a part of courtship or the chase. They are a sign of an immature individual.

6. No one is worth fighting for. If they are stolen, they were willing to be stolen. If they are spirited away, they were never yours to begin with.

7. You don't need to be in a relationship all the time. Being single is kind of fun. What attracts people is confidence, not a nice outfit or good pickup line.

8. At times, the world will seem brighter and darker depending on your relationship. No one person should be that powerful in your life. They are a part of the whole, not the whole pie in this equation.

9. You cannot change someone, cure them of an addiction, or make them a better person. They are their own individual self.

10. If a relationship has too many rocky ups and downs, walk away. The fight/makeup thing is passionate when you are young, but it ages you very quickly.

Love
April
I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
www.aprilbrucker.com

Stranger Things

Thursday, August 8th, 2013
Today is my parents 38th wedding anniversary. My folks found love in the weirdest way. It was my Aunt Darlene's wedding. She and my Uncle Rob had been high school sweethearts and had been an item since they were kids. Long story short, my grandfather had died when my dad was nineteen so he was kind of the man of the house. The second of seven, oldest boy, his job was to give my aunt away. So they were all at the church for the big day.

When my grandfather died-my dad's dad-my grandmother was left with four kids still at home for the most part. My Aunt Margaret (RIP) was married. Aunt Darlene was getting married. While my dad still lived at home he was gainfully employed now that he was finished with college. But my grandmother still had four mouths to feed. Anyway, my Mema had some money from my grandfather's pension from the mill, but not enough. So my Nunni (RIP), my mom's mom, stepped in. Basically, what happened was my Nunni-a one time nurse-was able to help my Mema get a job as an LPN. Thus she got invited to her daughter's wedding as a thank you.

Well mom really didnt want to go. She had kinda sorta been dating my dad's cousin and blew the dude off. Apparently he was trying to be a pilot and according to my mother was "unstable." Anyway, my dad told his heartbroken cousin, "Forget that broad." Allegedly my dad had said hello to my mother while flying a kite on Flagstaff Hill at University of Pittsburgh but my mom blew him off. My mom alleges that my dad was tending bar at her cousin's party and was with some crazy red head and totally gave her the diss.My mom had no clue my dad was going to be there. She was just a young teacher, overworked, and wanted to be left alone. But my Nunni told her that she needed to go where the single guys were and that was a wedding.

Then the drama began. The bartender had a heart attack. So my Nunni and Mom stepped in to help serve drinks. One thing about my Nunni was that for as crazy as she could be, she was big into the spiritual part of Catholicism. On a good note, that meant helping out when things were crazy. On a not so good note, that meant rescuing riff raff she met at McDonald's and bringing them to family functions when they were either just out of jail or living at some half way house. Needless to say my dad was thankful.

This is how the exchange went from there.

Fire hall. Open scene.

Dad: Mrs. Wallisch, thank you so much. Let me know if there is anything I can do to repay you for helping make my sister's day special.

Nunni: Yes. Go over there and dance with my single daughter.

Nunni walks over to my mom

Nunni: See that young man right there. You are going to dance with him.

Mom: But Mom-

Nunni: Hush up. He is King of the Paper Boys. Now look distracted and bored.

(Note: My dad had gotten his MBA and was working for Price Water House. His MBA days were long over).

My Dad walks over

Dad: Want to dance

My mom doing a bad bored and distracted

Mom: Sure

Needless to say the rest is history. Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad

Love
April
I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
www.aprilbrucker.com

What a Difference a Mani/Pedi Makes

Monday, November 26th, 2012
Hello Darlings. I know I was a little out of sorts yesterday with my depression. Anyway, I felt like staying in bed all day and watching Married With Children. But my mom urged me to get a mani/pedi. I went to the salon and started to get my mani/pedi when I saw a girl I knew from the neighborhood. She had met a guy online and was flying out to Phoenix the next day to see him. But here's the thing, they talk and text daily but she hadnt heard from him in two days. The cad was breaking her heart and she was unsure of what to do. Should she stay or go? Should she go to Phoenix or get a hotel? These were all questions to be settled at the nail salon.

I told her not to worry and then she would hear from him.

Enter a third woman. She agreed with me. Keep the hotel and if it doesn't work out with his guy then she just has a vacation of her own to go on. We all agreed that men were obtuse, thoughtless creatures with no feelings. As we talked we made our friend feel better about her voyage. The third girl made an important point, you need to put yourself out there and risk getting hurt. And if you get hurt it means that you just keep moving. Cry for one day but keep on moving.

She talked about this guy she met over the summer who seemed hot on her but then totally stood her up when he was invited to her ice show. Then she sent him a picture and he was McShade about the whole thing. They still talk but her heart isn't on him. Then we reminisced about Kindred Spirit who behaved much the same way. These guys always tell you one thing and then want another. They love you one minute and then the next minute they just want to be friends. Such tricky creatures they are.

My friend going to Arizona said she was starting to resent her potential beau and I pointed out maybe he needed to move down a few notches because maybe he was showing her who he really was. We all agreed. Either way I hope her trip to Arizona goes well. Best of the the best, she gets a man she truly loves and adores. Worst of the worst, she just tans for a few days and has her time.

Either way the trip to the nail salon perked up my spirits. I felt better and went to hang with some of my boys.

Sigh, men are such simple, stupid creatures. I would say I hurt their feelings but that would involve having feelings.

Then again, men are funny too. They make me laugh. Especially when they bring me flowers when they screwed up. I need something like this to happen soon. There must be more gossip at the nail salon.

I must set feminism back hundreds of years.

Love
April
I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
877-Buy-Book
www.buybooksontheweb.com
Available on Amazon

Come to my book signing
December 27, 2012 @ 7pm
Bethel Park Public Library
5100 W. Library Rd
Bethel Park, PA
 

Ex-Fest

Monday, January 16th, 2012

Last night after Confessions was done my co-host Devon Malik Scott and I were hanging out as usual. Over the last several months Devon and I have become pretty close. We both agreed our New Year’s Resolution was no more dating people with children. Baby Mama Drama is just too much, and women with kids are a trip.
Just for the fun of it we started going to the profile’s of those we had dated just to Gawk. The first stop was my psychotic ex fiancé, Mr. Stalker.My ex-fiance looked the same but only more fit for an America’s Most Wanted Poster. I mean when he proposed on the third date it all seemed so romantic. What was I thinking? Oh and he had ex-girlfriends send me hate mail. This dude had no job, no career, no future and lived in his mother’s basement yet he had these women doing his bidding. With nothing going for him, he managed to have all these women do his bidding. How did he do it? Either these bitches are stupid or he had mad skills.
Then we went to the profile of the Baby Mama of one of my ex-con guys. Despite what he said about her being a slut she looked like she was beaten to shit and like she was raising two kids on her own. She had two photos taken on different days and was wearing the same outfit. Sure she may have been all these things and more, but she looked like she hadn’t seen a makeup kit, beauty salon, or goodnight’s sleep in sometime. Poor thing. Goes to show you kids, use condoms!
Of course then we went to the Baby Mama of Dead Beat Daddy. Dead Beat Daddy said she was crazy and she looked to be. However she was raising two of his kids without him providing any financial assistance and wrote a heartbreaking blog about how her deadbeat ex never saw his chillins. And then the grandparents also told the grandchildren he got blown up in Iraq. This chick is doing alright because she has a new guy who basically has taken emotional and financial responsibility for Dead Beat Daddy’s children. Dead Beat Daddy dissed this dude for the record. Meanwhile he is an adult, something deadbeat daddy will never be. Now again, wrap it before you tap it.
Then we went to the profile of Lawyer/Liar. He looks worse than ever. Time has not been kind to him. He has lost even more hair and I think he even had head acne. Devon saw his picture and said, “He looks like that skit, the French people, Beldar….what are they called again?”
“Coneheads.” I replied. Then it hit me at that moment that he was not just a liar and a fucking phony snob but this man was also a conehead. This decision had been terrible. I guess I could consider myself a three time loser.
Looking back at my past and all the losers I have come in contact with I have a stalker ex-fiance who told his friends he wanted me dead and drew photos of someone who looked like me on his myspace being mangled. That sucked I will not lie, especially having to press complaints about cyberbullying before it was a crime. However he made me feel extra special when he started the I Hate April page. Oh I was always on his mind.
Let’s not forget the legions of ex-cons who had criminal records, excuses, stories and an army of children they either did not acknowledge or support. They kept things colorful with the dine and dash and even were sweet when they gave me presents, possibly and most probably stolen property. While they lied to law enforcement because well, why not, they were sincere when they told the detective, “Officer I didn’t know she was fifteen. I thought she was eighteen.” Their heart was in the right place, it was just The Code that ruined their fun.
However I can forgive myself for them. The ex-cons were cute and the ex-fiance loved me to the point where he would kidnap me so we would never be apart again. However I dated a conehead and I was sober when I made that decision. For that faux paux I will never forgive myself. Oh love and life and everything that goes with it! Wicked, cruel, cruel world!

What's even worse was that the Conehead dumped me. Granted I was cheating the entire time. But maybe his rejection was God's protection. Cause just picture it, I could have had conehead babies! AHHHH!!!!!

 Oh memories. Love April

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