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my strange addiciton

Kiss My Ass-Another Fan Encounter

Sunday, November 18th, 2012
I was walking down the street in my Hell's Kitchen neighborhood when this woman walks by in her leather boots. She was fierce I tell you, Sasha Fierce, Fiercy McFierston. Anyway I complimented her on her boots and she had a male companion with her. He turns around and says, "You're that puppet chick from TLC!?!? I just saw you on TV." WOWSA. JUST SAW ME ON TV?!?!? Sure my puppet kiddies and I have been on the tele quite a few times in America as well as the rest of the planet but I still get warm and fuzzy when I hear it.

"Yes, that would be me." I said sheepishly.

I got Sonny out, the man who lives rent free in my purse. The man who is always trying to pick up women but is never successful. The man who is and always will be a bachelor. The puppet destined to be the 40 year old virgin of our generation. So the girl who is mad fierce begins talking to Sonny. She asks if Sonny thinks that she is cute and Sonny says yes. She asks if Sonny can send her flowers and Sonny says he doesn't pay for women anymore, that they must take him out to dinner. So the girl says this is unacceptable and the only way Sonny can win favor with her is to kiss her butt. Now I don't know what is crazier. The fact that this woman is talking to Sonny as if he were a real man, the fact that I don't know what to do, or the fact her gay friend is getting this whole thing on camera!

"Kiss my ass puppet. You know you want to." She says and points to her derriere. So I know what to do, the camera is on. Sonny kisses her butt.

"Buy me flowers by two o'clock." She commanded and Sonny promised he would. The two walked off into the sunset and I found myself smiling. The whole thing is still cracking me up.

But Sonny is the typical man. Getting physical action and then making promises that he never intends to keep.

Sigh.....

I told them to follow me on twitter. Perhaps they will buy my book.

Either way, I am (almost) a superstar. Better ride that cloud. I have a sink that needs Drano and when I get home tomorrow my mother is going to make me cook, clean, and vacuum.

Love
April
I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
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Loser of the Week: Octomom

Thursday, April 26th, 2012
I hate this woman. I think Nadya Suleman is a breeding lump and a waste of flesh. In a skype broadcast she called her children "eight pieces of poop," when talking about how much work it was to raise them. She is addicted to popping out babies which is not only unhealthy for her body but unhealthy for the children she is raising. This bizarre freak believes she is entitled to food stamps and other government benefits when meanwhile not only did she choose to be a single mother, but she chooses to keep having children.

I want to deck this woman in her plastic surgeried face and then kick her right in her uterus because she is so freaking disgusting. My parents are both from large families. My dad is the second of seven and my mom is the first of six. While they love their parents and siblings, it wasn't easy coming from a big family. When my mom married my dad, she was overjoyed to get her own closet and drawer. When my brother moved out of the house for college, she got her own room, something she has never had ever. As kids, when we took family vacations this was a new adventure for my dad because his family was always too poor to take vacations. Not to mention he is fifteen years older than my youngest aunt, who was four when our grandpa died. Therefore, my dad did a lot of the dad stuff with her. Again, while I love my large extended family there were times where growing up with a lot of people in the house wasn't easy. This was because there parents were very Catholic and at the time the Catholic church, disregarding people as usual, disallowed birth control. Thus producing these huge families.

My grandparents had a lot of kids because people did it at the time. This bitch is doing it on purpose.

When my grandfather died my grandmother was barely entitled to his benefits. My dad was college aged and on his own and both of my aunts were married. She still had four kids in the house. The government gave her a hard time, and it was especially hard since my aunt and uncle were quite small. My grandmother didn't choose to become a single mother. This reject who doesn't care about her children and cares more about getting cut to look like Angelina Jolie did.

What's worse is that it's reported these children are living in squalor. They are using pots in the backyard to pee. They are eating off the floor. It is because not only is their mother a sick medical experiment gone wrong, but she is a fucking cunt with no regard for other human beings other than reproducing them for her own self-aggrandizement.

To make matters worse, these children were running around unsupervised while this fat fucking breeding lump was getting her hair done.

I think we need to take those kids away to families who will care for them properly and parents who know their priorities. Being a parent is not about getting your hair done. It is about making sure your children are well cared for. It is about putting your children before yourself. I know my mother missed plenty of things she could have been doing for herself because we needed things/got sick. It goes with the territory. Then again, my mother is one thing Octoslut isn't, a good parent and an upstanding human being.

I think we also need Octomom to step into the middle of the road and have a mac truck hit her. Seriously, the world would be better off without that waste of flesh.

But instead I think we should boycott her, sending a larger message that one shouldn't get publicity for being mentally ill as well as a bad parent.

You would never see my puppet children being so maligned and poorly cared for.
Octomom and her "eight pieces of poop." Endearing. They look tired and malnourished your worthless bitch.  Stop with the tired look too. You are a leech, a parasite, and maybe you will do us all a favor and die ridding the world of your smelly fucking breeding body you waste of fucking flesh. If you ever want to kill yourself I will give you some suggestions. 

These puppet children are happy, well cared for, and  know that they are loved. Not the house of Octomom


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