Mustache

The Avengers: What A Bunch Of Douchebags! Part 2: The Inedible Hulk!

Wednesday, May 2nd, 2012

Comic book blogs can also be comedy blogs

Super Villain To The Extreme!

Editor’s Note: Yesterday I regaled you with the terrifying tale of how Thor murdered my cousin’s entire block party with one of his mighty leg-lifting, avalanche-inducing bursts of flatulence. Today, I bring you part 2 of my encounters with the douchebagiest group of super zeros ever to assemble: The Avengers!

The Inedible Hulk arms himself with protein!

The Inedible Hulk

This green maniac certainly lives up to his title! I tried eating this bastard every way I could think up.

I tried:

My teeth
Chop sticks
A spork
Titanium Dog Fangs
Tesseract Implants

and nothing! I was not even close to eating the Inedible Hulk.

And then this jolly, green douche face turned around and simply blew on me and I ended up in the I.C.U. for 3 years! They had to reattach my taint (which is now made of adamantium and glad plug in candles) and remove 3 of my brains! Luckily I have 13 more.

And you know what would have been nice? A get well card. I’m not asking for too much here am I? A guy destroys your taint and roughly 25% of your supplemental brains, a humorous shoe box get well card is not too much to ask for, is it?

No, it isn’t.

And this is why The Inedible Hulk is a giant douche!

I am,

Nefarious Mustache(!)

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Subscribe to EvilNewsDaily.Com!

Saturday, April 7th, 2012

I, Nefarious Mustache, Editor In Chief of EvilNewsDaily.com, would like you to subscribe to EvilNewsDaily.com.

“But why?” you ask? Because! I answer:

1. It’s totally free – I mean, my cohorts at The Selective Society Of Super Villains will melt your brains with our evil Blogticles, but money wise, it’s totally free!

2. It’s easy – just enter your email in the little, empty box over to your right and click “Subscribe now fucker!” Easy, isn’t it, fucker?

3. It’s not annoying – You can decide to get an email every time we have an Evil News piece for you, once a day or even once a week if you’re a total dick.

4. I won’t murder you – If you don’t subscribe now and wake up tomorrow murdered you will only have yourself to blame!

and now a picture of a unicorn riding a unicycle (which totally makes sense right?)

I am,

Nefarious Mustache!

Editor In Chief

EvilNewsDaily.com

Posted in Evil, evil news, Evil News Daily, From The Stache, murder, Mustache, subscribe, unicorn, wvil news daily | Comments Off

Ogre George: The Original O.G. of Evil Lair Real Estate

Tuesday, April 3rd, 2012

Editor’s Note:

When Ogre George asked me, Nefarious Mustache (!), to plug his real estate business I, Nefarious Mustache immediately said “Yes!”

Ogre George is an Ogre (what real estate agent isn’t right?) and helped The Selective Society Of Super Villain’s find our new lunar base land plot. O.G. is truly the best, most evil real estate agent out there…and that’s saying something!

So, here, now, take a goose and a gander at Ogre George’s Evil Advert:

The O.G. Real Estate Agency: Real Estate For The Selective Super Villain

Are you a super villain looking for a lair that makes a statement?

Shouldn’t that statement be “my lair kicks your lair’s ass!”?!?

Then look for further than The O.G. Real Estate Agency: Real Estate For The Selective Super Villain

An evil mastermind’s lair needs to have a certain je ne sais quoi.

Something special, like this palatial underground hive located in the worlds deepest uranium mine.

(pictured henchmen included)

Discrete, unmapped and blast proof, this steampunk influenced, underground ranch style abode features hundreds of details including two sound proof torture chambers, frescos by Ted Bundy and dozens of escape tunnels…Not that you need them. (wink, wink).

Crush your foes in style and stay calm in the knowledge that strategically placed booby traps will crush, slice or mangle those who try to stop you. This pad will have you saying “Mine! All Mine!!”

More of a mad scientist? Ask about our newest listing!

A tropical island formerly managed by the preeminent Dr. Moreau, will have you screaming…no wait those are the screams of the innocents being flayed in your private island “science” lab.

****

To schedule a viewing with the O.G. of ogre real estate agents, just leave a comment here on the post and I will find you. (weekdays only)

Posted in evil lair, Evil News Daily, evil real estate, From The Stache, Lair Design, Mustache, o.g., ogre, real estate | Comments Off

S.S.S.V. Urgent Bulletin! Stop Wearing Hooded Sweatshirts!

Thursday, March 29th, 2012

Members of The Selective Society of Super Villains, it is I, your leader, Nefarious Mustache (!)

I urge you to take caution while dressing in your secret lairs.

Where once you could throw on a hoodie and cover your true evil intentions, the world has now caught on and has started shooting hooded sweatshirt wearing people in the face!

Beware wearing a hooded sweatshirt! It will get you shot in the face!

and now…a gallery of evil. Evil in hooded sweatshirts.

The most evil man in pro-football. What does he always wear? A hooded sweatshirt!

This guy’s the Emperor of Evil. What’s he wearing? Yup, a hooded sweatshirt.

Vicious bear. Hooded sweatshirt. Instant circus carnage.

Don’t let this guy fool you. He may look instantly evil because of the hoodie, but look closer…it’s the Batman!

Need I say more?

Posted in Evil, Evil News Daily, From The Stache, guns, Hooded Sweatshirt, Hoodie, Mustache, shot in the face | Comments Off

Time Travel Reblog! This is Where The E.N.D. Began!

Sunday, March 25th, 2012

My name is The Nefarious Mustache, yes, yes, that (!) Nefarious Mustache, member of The Selective Society Of Super Villains, don’t be afraid, I can’t kill you through the internet (or can I?!?).

Seriously don’t freak out, my days of poisoning the water supply, piloting giant murdering robotic mustaches over Metropolis and burping and then slowly blowing it in your face are over…I get no joy from these things anymore.

Why just last week I scared the crap out of a puppy (literally) and felt nothing. It’s all just become old hat.

It’s not just me either, I had some of my S.S.S.V. buddies over for our weekly game of “Deadly Uno” (where if you don’t yell “Uno” when you get down to one card, you’re murdered…don’t worry we have a Lazarus Pit) and we were all talking about how clichéd we’ve all become.

It used to be you could change all the inhabitants of a city into mindless trees and get major play on the evening news, but now with the 24 hour news cycle and the internet you get nothing! Seriously, one month ago, I turned a 6-year-old into a gummy bear and just barely made it into the “News of The Weird” section. Seriously!

But never let it be said that The Nefarious Mustache can’t adapt…in fact let’s do the opposite and let it be said that he (I) can! I’m adapting, right here and now by starting EvilNewsDaily.com! (Check out WTF is EvilNewsDaily)

If killer robots and turning superheros into fatties no longer instantly cause you to flip out and run through the streets rioting and creating general anarchy, my evil friends from the S.S.S.V and I will blow your minds with our evil blogticles (Blogticles = articles on a blog, I just created that word with my mind)!

Check back here every once in a while and evilly peruse our blogticles on such topics as sports, politics, city living, pop culture, the arts, family life and murder….especially murder. If you like what you see, you could continue to be an innocent bystander and get mind murdered by blogticles or you could apply for an official membership to The Selective Society Of Super Villains and maybe, just maybe (because we’re super selective) you’ll be selected to be one of the Selected.

I AM!!!

Nefarious Mustache

Posted in Evil, evil news, Evil News Daily, From The Stache, Mustache, news | Comments Off

The Top 5 Worst Face Punches I Ever Got

Thursday, March 22nd, 2012

I, Nefarious Mustache (!) am one of the most feared Super Villains in the galaxy!

But when you fight Super Heros as much as I do, you’re bound to get punched in the facial area from time to time.

So here, now, to appease your insatiable appetite for all things Nefarious Mustache and all things punch in the facey, I present:

The Top 5 Worst Face Punches I Ever Got!

5. Fart Man – Even if he touches you a little you smell like someone dropped a bucket of farts on your face for weeks. The psychical damage is minor, the damage to your dating life is ultra severe!

4. Superman – My face literally exploded. It’s how I died. I am a Nefarious Mustache plucked out of the time stream from some other time and place trying to stop Superman from making my genius level brains explode.

3. Slow Motion McGee – You know what’s worse than getting punched in the face? Having to wait half hour until the punch connects. I literally did 12 New York Times crossword puzzles before he connected.

2. Edward PenisHands – He’s got a penis where both of his hands should be…and they work!

1. Zsa Zsa Gabor – It was the emotional trauma of getting punched in the face by my favorite movie star that makes this one the first and worst on my list!

I am,

Nefarious Mustache! (!)

Posted in Evil, Evil News Daily, fart man, From The Stache, Mustache, news, penis, Stache, Zsa Zsa Gabor | Comments Off

Cat Stache!

Wednesday, March 21st, 2012

Once again I won’t be murdering Katie today as she sent in this stacherific photo of a cat-stache!

Got your own stache pic and want it added to Evilnewsdaily.com’s Must Stache! page?

Email it over to stache@theworldnyc.com

Posted in cat mustache, Evil, Evil News Daily, Mustache | Comments Off

Your Morning “What The Fuck?!?” – Fuck You Wash and Fold Laundry!

Wednesday, March 21st, 2012

Fuck you wash and fold laundry!

You lost 3 of my “The Fuck?!?” button down shirts and another came back with a button missing.

I gave you a chance not to incur my “The Fuck?!?” wrath, but you wasted your 1 chance of continuing to live by saying “Look at that sign that says we are not responsible for articles of clothing or buttons lost in our laundry.”

You’re a laundry that’s not responsible for laundry? What the fuck are you responsible for? Mending kittens? Growing watermelons? Global warming?!? (kind of).

You know what? I’m impressed…I like your thinking!

Along those same lines, check out my foot connecting with your balls and throat…AT THE SAME TIME!!!

Now let me bend over and show you the tattoo on my taint which reads “my legs are not responsible for kicking you in the balls and throat…AT THE SAME TIME!!!”

Launder THAT motherfucker!!!

The Fuck?!?

Posted in Evil, Evil News Daily, Mustache, The Fuck?!? | Comments Off

I Murdered…A Cheeseburger!

Tuesday, March 20th, 2012

There I was at The Rapist’s office talking about my murder problem!

The Rapist BTW is the premiere Super Villain psychologist who was cursed with an unfortunate space and capital “R” by a pissed off Gypsy witch. Even though he is a genius level intellect, he has very patients, because seriously who wants to confide their problems to The Rapist?

I, Nefarious Mustache (!), however was desperate for some help!

I was no longer getting the same level of jollification from murder.

Sure, it was a quick thrill, but then I felt oh so empty afterwards.

That’s when The Rapist suggested I find a new hobby. Something to get the old evil juices flowing.

That’s when I discovered: Cheeseburgers!

Sure, Murder is evil, but cheeseburgers are evil-er! Here’s why:

“Moo, moo. Please murder and then eat me!”

1. A big cute cow needs to be mercilessly slaughtered to make a good cheeseburger.

2. These cows spend their days grazing on grass and farting carbon monoxide into the environment and worsening the global warming “problem”. (If it brings about the destruction of the world sooner, I saw it’s no problem at all!)

3. When you eat a cheeseburger it raises your cholesterol and if you keep eating them, you’ll have a brain attack and die!

Seriously, how great are cheeseburgers? One thing is instantly murdered and then another thing is murdered 20 years later! It’s like “killing 2 birds with 1 stone” meets time travel!

I salute you cheeseburger! Murderer of gabillions!

I am,

Nefarious Mustache (!)

Posted in Evil, Evil News Daily, From The Stache, murder, Mustache, nefarious mustache | Comments Off

Ming The Vase: Curio Cabinets of Doom!

Monday, March 19th, 2012

Petulant fool!

Look at you displaying your knick-knacks on top of your dresser, like some imbelcile from the planet Fark!

No matter, Ming The Vase will indoctrinate you in the ways of…THE CURIO CABINET!

Purveyor of semi-usable furniture www.homedecorators.com explains

“A curio is a small decorative object that is novel, rare or of curiosity. The term curio cabinet became popular during the 18th century with the construction of small cabinets for the express purpose of displaying curio.”

Indeed!

My curio cabinet is festooned with the fingernails of mine enemies while inside I keep my precious moments figurines made with actual toddlers!

Now Let your eyeballs feast upon the Howard Miller Jamestown 680-249 Corner Curio Cabinet from the vainglorious “Clock Depot”, where if you listen close enough, you can hear the tick tick tocking of your doom!

The lola curio mocks your feeble mindedness. Is it a stable piece showcasing and safeguarding your cherished curios or is it a wobbly furniture golem of evil just waiting for the right moment to come crashing down on your offspring?

Finally, take the time (of which you have so very little left) before I enslave your mind to consider the American Furniture Classics 10-Gun/Curio Cabinet Combination from Meijer.com. I, Ming The Vase have personally placed most of my fine china right next to my death ray collection. It tells intruders “While I will most certainly kill you, you are still my guest and may have a cup of tea first”.

You are most likely trembling in fear at the thought that soon your brain will be greedily eaten by my lava dogs, while my lava cats remain unmoved and uncaring on their windowsill of doom.

But until then enjoy displaying your collected treasures in your new curio cabinet.

Behold!

Ming: The Vase

Posted in Evil, Evil News Daily, Lair Design, Ming The Vase, Mustache | Comments Off

Mustache

The O.G. Real Estate Agency: Real Estate For The Selective Super Villain

Beware wearing a hooded sweatshirt! It will get you shot in the face!

The Top 5 Worst Face Punches I Ever Got!

Mission Statement