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hulk

Tweets From Henchmen – Bi-Beast

Tuesday, September 25th, 2012
 Never before has a dude’s name so encapsulated his sexual preferences.  #WhenHeSaysHesGotMadBitchesHeMeansRabies

Comic Book A Day – Day 14 – Marvel Fanfare # 7 (1983)

Thursday, August 9th, 2012
Marvel Fanfare brings me back, yes sir it does.  It was Marvel’s pristine fancy schmancy title.  Made on higher quality, glossy paper and featuring one off stories of some of Marvel’s favorite and/or least favorite characters. Well gosh darn it almost 30 years later and the paper is still about the same as it was [...]

Super Swag – Fantastic Four Ceiling Fan Blades!

Tuesday, July 31st, 2012
Fantastic Four ceiling fan blades

Fan-Tastic Four!

I don’t have a ceiling fan, but I’m thinking about just stapling these to my ceiling and pretending!  For $61 on Ebay these incredibly angry super heros can adorn your ceiling fan making it 12.5 times cooler!

 

 

Super Swag – Custom Knobs

Sunday, July 22nd, 2012

Bed knobs and Boom Sticks!

OK, so for $97.50 (shipping included) I might just decide to learn how to paint myself, but you have to admit these custom painted super hero drawer knobs from Sweet Petites are pretty well…sweet.

They’re for sale on Etsy.com and you can be magically transported over to the site by clicking the photo.

 

 

F@*K You Old People!

Thursday, May 17th, 2012
Comic book blog about comedy and superheroes

"You're older than you've ever been and now you're even older!" - TMBG

It’s not that you walk slower than tourists in mid-town Manhattan.

And

It’s not that a story that should last 30 seconds takes up 3 hours.

And

It’s not that your skin hangs off of you like it’s trying to escape.

And

It’s not that you’re teeth are the color of missing.

It’s the fact that you’ve forgotten what it’s like to be young and take out your oldness on all of us.

So, f@*K you old people!

F@*k You Incredible Hulk!

Wednesday, May 9th, 2012
The Fuck is The Angriest There is!

The Incredible Hulk is an Incredible Dick!

 

Hulk, you gamma-radiated, purple pants wearing, mo haircut having, dufus.

The only thing Incredible about you is that your pants manage to stay on even though you grow to be like 10 times your original size.

Seriously, do you have magic pants?

Is there a magic pants store that only dudes who explode into rage monsters shop at?

You run around destroying cities and blowing up planets, you’ve killed like millions of people, plus you cheat at Uno.

And still people consider you a hero!

Me?  I turn red and curse a lot.  That’s about it and people hate my guts.

F@*k you Hulk.

 

 

 

A List of People Who Have Punched Me In The Face: Part 1

Saturday, May 5th, 2012
Super Heroes Tend To Punch Me In The Face

Superheros tend to punch me in the face

I, Nefarious Mustache (!) have truly been punched in the face quite often!

There is just something about my face which seems to say “Please punch me.”

It is as if my nose has a knuckle magnet buried deep within.

One day, I will have revenge on the face punchers and so I keep a list.

You do not want to be on the list because all of these people will one day pay for their punches to my facial region.

So here, now, I present a list of people who have punched me in the face:

Iron Man – which sucked since his fist is Iron and my face is not.

Captain America – who punched me in the face with his shield which is even tougher than Iron.

Hawkeye – He did one of those fancy from the elbow, back hand punches.

Hulk –  He looked at me like he was going to punch me in the face, so I beat him to the punch and did it myself, still he is on the list.

Black Widow – Even though she was punching me in the face, it was worth it to watch her jiggle while she did it.

Nick Fury – He lifted his eye patch and a tiny fist came out…and punched me in the face.

Spider-man – Web punch in the face.

Spider-Woman – Web punch in the face.

Spider-girl – Web punch in the face.

Internet-boy – Web punch in the face.

This concludes part 1 of my “People who have punched me in the face list”.  Because I am an artist I typed out this list by slamming the keyboard against my face until the right letters came out.

-NF

 

The Avengers: What A Bunch Of Douchebags! Part 2: The Inedible Hulk!

Wednesday, May 2nd, 2012
Comic book blogs can also be comedy blogs

Super Villain To The Extreme!

Editor’s Note: Yesterday I regaled you with the terrifying tale of how Thor murdered my cousin’s entire block party with one of his mighty leg-lifting, avalanche-inducing bursts of flatulence.  Today, I bring you part 2 of my encounters with the douchebagiest group of super zeros ever to assemble: The Avengers!

The Inedible Hulk arms himself with protein!

The Inedible Hulk arms himself with protein!

The Inedible Hulk

This green maniac certainly lives up to his title!  I tried eating this bastard every way I could think up.

I tried:

  • My teeth
  • Chop sticks
  • A spork
  • Titanium Dog Fangs
  • Tesseract Implants
and nothing!  I was not even close to eating the Inedible Hulk.
And then this jolly, green douche face turned around and simply blew on me and I ended up in the I.C.U. for 3 years!  They had to reattach my taint (which is now made of adamantium and glad plug in candles) and remove 3 of my brains!  Luckily I have 13 more.
And you know what would have been nice?  A get well card.  I’m not asking for too much here am I?  A guy destroys your taint and roughly 25% of your supplemental brains, a humorous shoe box get well card is not too much to ask for, is it?
No, it isn’t.
And this is why The Inedible Hulk is a giant douche!
I am,
Nefarious Mustache(!)

 

 

The Avengers: What A Bunch Of Douchebags! Part 1: Thor!

Tuesday, May 1st, 2012
The Avengers are a bunch of jerks

Nefarious Mustache hates The Avengers!

I, Nefarious Mustache (!), the greatest super villain of all time have fought damn near every super hero team in the galaxy and without a doubt, the douchiest team I have ever encountered are The Avengers!

Fuck the Avengers

Seriously, screw these guys!

I’ve fought the X-men, The Justice League, The Defenders, hell, I’ve even went up against the 7 Soldiers Of Victory with that poetry spouting mongoloid Frankenstein and while I got my ass handed to me on many occasions (mostly due to purchasing the wrong prescription eye wear.  Seriously), the Avengers are simply the biggest douches ever.

Thor's Farts killed my family

God of ripping thunder

Thor

What the hell does this guy eat anyway?

Look, it’s one thing to defeat a foe in epic battle, it’s another to decimate a 10 city block radius with taco bell farts.

One day, the Avengers broke into my secret lair and killed all my henchmen, except it wasn’t my secret lair, it was my cousin’s block party and they weren’t my henchmen, they were my neighbors.

Well long story short, Thor, instead of listening to reason, lift’s his mighty leg up and unleashes one of the vilest flatulence sessions ever recorded on the smell-ometer and killed my entire neighborhood.

I only survived because I built up a resistance to “God Thunder” by watching those vile 80′s Marvel Super Hero TV movies.

Way to go God of Douches!

Thor, seriously, put a cosmic cork in it!

The Inedible Hulk

I'd give my left arm for The Hulk to not eat my right one!

Tomorrow: The Inedible Hulk!

 

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