I don’t have a ceiling fan, but I’m thinking about just stapling these to my ceiling and pretending! For $61 on Ebay these incredibly angry super heros can adorn your ceiling fan making it 12.5 times cooler!
OK, so for $97.50 (shipping included) I might just decide to learn how to paint myself, but you have to admit these custom painted super hero drawer knobs from Sweet Petites are pretty well…sweet.
They’re for sale on Etsy.com and you can be magically transported over to the site by clicking the photo.
It’s not that you walk slower than tourists in mid-town Manhattan.
It’s not that a story that should last 30 seconds takes up 3 hours.
It’s not that your skin hangs off of you like it’s trying to escape.
It’s not that you’re teeth are the color of missing.
It’s the fact that you’ve forgotten what it’s like to be young and take out your oldness on all of us.
So, f@*K you old people!
Hulk, you gamma-radiated, purple pants wearing, mo haircut having, dufus.
The only thing Incredible about you is that your pants manage to stay on even though you grow to be like 10 times your original size.
Seriously, do you have magic pants?
Is there a magic pants store that only dudes who explode into rage monsters shop at?
You run around destroying cities and blowing up planets, you’ve killed like millions of people, plus you cheat at Uno.
And still people consider you a hero!
Me? I turn red and curse a lot. That’s about it and people hate my guts.
F@*k you Hulk.
I, Nefarious Mustache (!) have truly been punched in the face quite often!
There is just something about my face which seems to say “Please punch me.”
It is as if my nose has a knuckle magnet buried deep within.
One day, I will have revenge on the face punchers and so I keep a list.
You do not want to be on the list because all of these people will one day pay for their punches to my facial region.
So here, now, I present a list of people who have punched me in the face:
Iron Man – which sucked since his fist is Iron and my face is not.
Captain America – who punched me in the face with his shield which is even tougher than Iron.
Hawkeye – He did one of those fancy from the elbow, back hand punches.
Hulk – He looked at me like he was going to punch me in the face, so I beat him to the punch and did it myself, still he is on the list.
Black Widow – Even though she was punching me in the face, it was worth it to watch her jiggle while she did it.
Nick Fury – He lifted his eye patch and a tiny fist came out…and punched me in the face.
Spider-man – Web punch in the face.
Spider-Woman – Web punch in the face.
Spider-girl – Web punch in the face.
Internet-boy – Web punch in the face.
This concludes part 1 of my “People who have punched me in the face list”. Because I am an artist I typed out this list by slamming the keyboard against my face until the right letters came out.
Editor’s Note: Yesterday I regaled you with the terrifying tale of how Thor murdered my cousin’s entire block party with one of his mighty leg-lifting, avalanche-inducing bursts of flatulence. Today, I bring you part 2 of my encounters with the douchebagiest group of super zeros ever to assemble: The Avengers!
The Inedible Hulk
This green maniac certainly lives up to his title! I tried eating this bastard every way I could think up.
I, Nefarious Mustache (!), the greatest super villain of all time have fought damn near every super hero team in the galaxy and without a doubt, the douchiest team I have ever encountered are The Avengers!
I’ve fought the X-men, The Justice League, The Defenders, hell, I’ve even went up against the 7 Soldiers Of Victory with that poetry spouting mongoloid Frankenstein and while I got my ass handed to me on many occasions (mostly due to purchasing the wrong prescription eye wear. Seriously), the Avengers are simply the biggest douches ever.
What the hell does this guy eat anyway?
Look, it’s one thing to defeat a foe in epic battle, it’s another to decimate a 10 city block radius with taco bell farts.
One day, the Avengers broke into my secret lair and killed all my henchmen, except it wasn’t my secret lair, it was my cousin’s block party and they weren’t my henchmen, they were my neighbors.
Well long story short, Thor, instead of listening to reason, lift’s his mighty leg up and unleashes one of the vilest flatulence sessions ever recorded on the smell-ometer and killed my entire neighborhood.
I only survived because I built up a resistance to “God Thunder” by watching those vile 80′s Marvel Super Hero TV movies.
Way to go God of Douches!
Thor, seriously, put a cosmic cork in it!
Tomorrow: The Inedible Hulk!
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